my wife doesn't care when i'm sick
It always boils down to me getting sick on purpose! I started treatment and with the antibiotics and things you get sicker before you start healing. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Ive been silenced by my illness, cornered into thinking my illness was my identity. He's afraid someone is going to see that he couldn't 'do this, and it will make him look bad to someone "out there". Alright. He even broke the kitchen sink to where it only puts out hot water. He always says "you don't know me and to give him a chance to prove himself". Need help with your relationship? If I ever mention his behavior of that day, he gets mad at me and tells me that "I Never let things go and that I am to blame because I can't "forgive" him". Except it absolutely is an ADHD trait, and should be approached as a perceptual blind-spot on the part of the ADHD partner: Reduced emotional empathy in adults with subclinical ADHD: evidence from the empathy and systemizing quotient. Anyway, I got way off track here. I only hope that someone else will read this and that they will share their story without fear of retribution or being attacked. I guess its just a character flaw of his! That lasted about 6 months for us and about 2 years for me to get over. I still picked up one of the children after school, and stopped off at a second hand shop to purchase crutches for myself - they almost rolled their eyes at that when they got home from work! Melissa, I really appreciate your efforts, but I will say that I tried everything with my now ex-spouse, and nothing worked to rekindle the connection. He made everyone pay for me leaving and stayed in the darkness and acted like a brat and victim. He reluctantly came up to the accident sight. Submitted by c ur self on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 14:17, ( A true and internal lack of gratitude for his own life that God has granted him, and gratitude for the lives that have been entrusted TO him, which is an honor and which is humbling for the soul who can SEE this fact. Hearing him speak kindly of other folks, being gentler in his speech, since he KNOWS how unkind the world can be. I get dizziness, irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and killer headaches with my autoimmune attacks. That's life. Otherwise she knows that I will go down and get whatever I want. Life goes on, until Im better. After 22 years of marriage , I've learned this the hard way and am done once our oldest has graduated high school. When I'm sick no one asks what I ", Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 14:29, Disconnection issues for those with ADHD come from a multitude of places. His brother was paranoid-schizophrenic, diagnosed at 18 and died a few years ago from drug addiction. He went and played soccer that night when I was feeling my worst. I invite him to things I know he will say no to just to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself. Submitted by Resentful on Fri, 03/16/2018 - 09:54. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow (Soup after you just threw up is too soon). Iris is also an Invisible Illness Warrior. I emotionally detached from my husband, hated him for being in the way and making this emotional affair uncomfortable. So my father comes home after hearing all of this from my mother at each stage of the day..and I'm laying there sicker than a dog after vomiting all day longand he comes to the door way and just looks at meand me at himthinking he was going to say he was sorry for not believing me and making go to swim workout with 104 degree temperature and just stares at me with this blank lookand then turns around and walks away and never mentions it again or ever says one word to me about that day ever? Hewas an abusive, narcissistic Asshole. Even worse when these DisneyDaddys, lol are looking for a life partner, the first thing that they rub on your face is the: my kids come first b.s. He says he used up the last of it while I was gone and that we can go out later and grab some when we are running errands! Someone who at times would look at me and just smile, (as if we shared a special secret), with eyes that showed gentleness, patience and strength, but with a reverent humility. Then came 2013, January. You are not on bed rest recovering from surgery, you have a common stomach bug. In the second, you instell a desire to avoid you, not connect. But it was terrible to watch my child suffer like that. Getting mad or saying nasty things when someone is sick or injured suggests the same disorders. Nothe kids aren't "more important" than her. That's not even in my nature. They will always be more important than you. I am a partner though, specifically yours. He still ignored andhung by the pool by himself. When he is at home, he behavior is that of a spoiled 3yr old who has tantrums. Submitted by Punkin on Fri, 03/10/2017 - 07:12. Why? A therapist can help you evaluate the factors that have led you to this step and then offer advice about how to best proceed. Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:36. Just the feeling at the moment. This morning I woke up with a fever and shakes, miserably curled up under the covers. I agree his kids should come first. And of course, my fave from Walter Mitty movie "Beautiful things don't ask for attention. That is when a person is the WebNo, that's not normal in a loving marriage. Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox. Never underestimate the callousness of the narcissist. I even passed out in front of my kids on the floor, and they had to yell at him to help me. Devoid of anything? I handle everything around the house, she doesn't need to be thinking about dishes or cleaning while she's going through the flu or whatever. I was "out of commission" for 6 weeks. This is not ok. Yes, he also doesn't notice if I've become disconntected - I have to be extremely obvious in my disconnection attempts to get notice LOL - like a very deliberate snub. Whenever he's sick I ask if I can go get anything from the store for him or do anything for him. Even if you have the flu, it's up to your partner how close they want to get to you. I daze into the sunset and really feel lovefor that moment. A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. #1. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Hed get one color half done, then start on a new color somewhere else. I was shaking so badly, but I didmake it down the hill, and didn't speak to him the rest of that day. He didn't sleep well last night because he was stuffed up, coughing, etc. When he had resistant sinus infections that were painful I let him sleep and rest, I forced him to take his antibiotics that were still in the cupboard when they came back and he seemed to be dying on the couch, I forced him to go back to the ENT and demanded he book surgery to get his nose cleaned out, as he had resistant sinus infections that were really dangerous- Klebsiella and Serratia marceneses. I do believe he loves me. I have learned from him that I have always mothered him and even though I am awesome, I have given so much with littleeffort in return because he is hyperfocused on his priorities. Not flu/COVID/serious illness. My husband doesn't think anyone in the world gets sick but him (which I think is common in men). WebPsychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist This is the extent of OUR now/not now difference when it comes to love. I truly don't think he SEES the damage that all of this caused me AND him, mainly because he still doesn't think his ADHD has that much affect on our daily lives. And now that I have, I have a new perspective. Nothing builds or sticks over the years. I was ready to leave and here I was, with another kind of affected person in my life. Lol. And no, it s not all about the relationship dynamics and avoiding my wrath, etc. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 09:54. WebMy (soon to be) ex wife had little sympathy whenever I was sick, and honestly it really sucked. But know that people can take a while to be retrained to react differently. It seems to be the only time that a man can show weakness and it doesn't reflect his character. I do agree with you. Hi. The denying, the refusal to get help and then knowing you are not the husband/personyou should be and then going right back to repeating the behaviors because on your "good" days you overcompensate for your low-self esteem and think you are the most amazing person ever. Nearly 17% were estranged from a member of their immediate family. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. Well, yes, I have an Autoimmune condition that causes it. It tends to be E>S in females, and S>E in males, and S>E in ADHD regardless of gender. Or pulled a muscle in my back. Sometimes it's commitment to dinner hour where you discuss things together (rather than eating alone). Otherwise I think you need to stop acting like a child when sick. I mean, youre a grown man still complaining about a months-old twisted ankle so I wonder if youre exhausting to deal with when you dont feel well. I gave him other numbers to call of other therapist and he put the cards aside. My husband would blame me for ruining his life. Instead he walked around the car, got in the back seat and proceeded to yell at me for the next 15 min about how "he does not have time for this" & "why did I call him(my husband) and not my sister or my niece". Commitment, sacrifice, partnering are too boring and difficult..not a part of love to H. Love is only themoment's pleasure to him. Well, to be frank, that will vary from person to person as we all display love in different ways. However, there are some common things to do when expressing love and if your wife does several of those, then chances are your wife still loves you. Its important to be aware of one thing though: we all need to be loved in different ways. Recently I was knocked down by a It may make it more difficult to resolve differences or conflicts and the same All I have to say about that is..THAT..is some Fucked Up Shit.right there!! Its me, me and my illness, that dominate our life. I had started a new job so I could not take him to get his surgery, but I did leave work early, come home and take care of him, make chicken soup, the whole deal. This has been a transformation in more ways than one. Have enough respect without ego to treat yourself with a non-toxic man or woman. I feel like crap so I have no plans of running errands. When I'm sick no one asks what I need to make me less miserable. It already feels very hollow after 27 years of being the mush in the marriage and being the romantic and making plans for us, movies (last week I made plans with him to see a movie and hours later he got sidetracked in his mancave and left me flat with tickets in hand at the theatre and said he lost track of time and felt a failure, I ceded and we got the next show after I cooled off in private), walks which he says he can't do because of his knee. He was so sick he couldn't even think well enough to do his homework. Other than that, I was expected to cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, vacuum, etc ~ because I was home! Ive had back and chest pain on and off becoming more frequent. I'm taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, making meals. I never get any sympathy from him, but my children hug me, draw me upside down rainbows because I am in pain and can't smile, and try to help me. Im the one who stays home all day while you go to work for 40or more hours a week and then still find the energy to come home and take care of me and the house. There is no reason under the son a man or woman should be second to anyone when it comes to survival in health, shelter or love period. I think many spouses with ADD are extremely selfish and will never realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, and patience. She was diagnosed with a mood disorder and anxiety in 2008. What? If that's something that you can't handle, it's best to call it off. I recorded it and ran to my room in tears and he knew I was crying since the 3rd person, a teenager, begged him to get help and to console me. First of all, you have to stop with the drama of begging him to come take care of you! Or begging him to drive you home. I can understand mentionin I am sorry for your situation. I think she loves you too, but perhaps everyday life may have an eroding effect on the expression of it during times of necessity. And, to feel loved in return, you need to be sexual with each other. My H, and many others, expect love, support, attention and all the good stuff without being self aware enough to understand that they are not giving it in return and become very angry when it's not provided. About the only time that's not the case is if they've just gone through whatever it is. I know the empathy is in there, but it's overridden by the rest of their experience and the onslaught of perception they constantly have to sort through. He stormed up to me, angrily, shouting WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? OP, assuming you guys have been married for a long time, possibly for more than five years and your work is what gets u sick and hurt regularly, I'm guessing she was not always like this. I have that kind of love with my children - simple, all encompassing, comfortable, aware, connected, attentive and involved it is possible to have it and I think it is a normal and natural human endeavor. Have been married for 4years now. The reception was held at a house, in he back yard. Stay away from me!" Then, why the * are they looking for a life partner in the first place?. We have elementary aged children and he works at a demanding job. Don't let the ADHD make you feel any worse you need the peace and quiet to recover gently. There's definitely a disconnect. Your sweatn the small stuff it's normal. Although Melissa's suggestions have some merit for a couple where there is active treatment adherence, I don't have much hope of change in my relationship with someone who never gives a thought to anyone else but himself. My mom used to go hands on care for me when I get sick growing up. Stop selling your soul for sex, money or a sense of security. Yeah, he's not that thoughtful. 5 signs of an unsupportive husband during pregnancy. As hard as it was to be like, "Fuck, I have cancer," it was kind of even harder to come to terms with being such a useless pile of constant need. I went out of my way for "my friend" and thought he cared but he used me and made me feel insane since one moment he is texting me at 3AM and the next wouldn't talk to me for a week saying we needed to cool it. Once in a while he says hello but its almost like it never happened. I offered to set it up on his phone but of course he won't relinquish his phone, which is another story, and the primary basis of my divorce request. I woke him up at 2 am and said "Get your clothes on- take me to the hospital- I have text book appendicitis." I cam home ( after working out for an hour feeling worse ) and told my mom and she took my temperature and it was like 104 degrees!! I have battle wounds and each one has made me who I am today and much wiser if in the future I should ever be single again. At one point my manager demanded I go see a medical doctor, which I already had, and because I was past two weeks of antibiotics and still sick, I was refused treatment. Run!!! Okay, WE?? Guy didnt wish me happy birthday am I wrong to be upset? But you dont care. Please ask around or ask someone in your family to get online and see what public options are available for you- to either improve your eye sight or get back to your home country. Nothing sexual ever happened but after 2 years of him love bombing me, calling me hot, beautiful, his soul mate, his twin, etc, he would discard me when I got too needy and hoover me back in when he needed an emotional pick me up. Imagine that. I haven't been yelled at once while expressing myself. He has the attitude of "Well, that's the past", "this is now". He has No responsibility for any of his behavior or actions. Eventually, he got through it and started healing. Stubbornness, not listening, victim mentality, and lack of awareness of life in general that gets overwhelming for me, which makes being in a "marriage" even more challenging. I love(d) H, and love (past, present and future)our children, our grandchildren, art, my business, my home. His answer was absolutely not. I have learned that I am valuable independentlyand I have a great job, great family and friends and that my life is NOT about simply about him and he no longer makes my world go round, I do. If you talk about how he's not connecting with you and that's disappointing to you, the issue is HIM. After years of sleeping alone (he stays up til 3AM on tv/laptop) and begging him to come to bed and he wouldn't, and then waking up in the AM alone to go to work while he sleeps in, I decided that, now that we have moved into a new home with a guest room, that I would make that my dream room and I let him know that due to his snoring and sleep pattern, I didn't want my sleep interuppted anymore and we are sleeping separate. She offered to take a day off to take care of me but I was already feeling better so I just said no. His sister died from alcoholism about 8 years ago, she was only 51. It was a high pressure job in sales and recruiting, with a manager who later got in trouble for harrassingstaff and being absolutely unprofessional. Should also consider the stress my wife is dealing with at work. It was horrible since I did it secretly. Now not now and love. registered trademarks of Ziff Davis Canada, Inc. and may not be used by third parties without The codependent wife moved back without his help and then he said he wasn't going back to therapy after one session. He sees the painted parts and not the unpainted parts, because to him this is a lot of work. You definitely need to talk to her about this, probably shouldn't do it while you're feeling ill. They were on their lunch break at the time, and went back to work - taking the automatic transmission car and leaving me with the manual. (and the smell, yuck) Even his clothes smell like old grease. Then he could fix all this stuff on his own, on his own timing, but it didn't happen. in Child and Adolescent Development and then an M.A. Very hard to comprehend and maybe that means we are ok.It is illogical and very sad to live with like that from both sides. I drink a gulp of beer and a stoke of cigar and really feel love..for that moment. It wont solvefor the dishonesty (and just found a new credit card). But at the end of the day if it is really bothering you well then you need to talk to him about it and tell him how it made you feel. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Of course, the more the therapist learned, the more it just reinforced what he already knew. I would have been down on my kneesbegging for forgiveness.for making me go swimming with 104 degree temperatureand not believing me or showing the concern when I was told that I was sick and didn't feel well? But the way to stay unique and independent is to define when you will connect, rather than wait for him to notice at any time. Reach out in an inviting way. Sign #12: He Doesnt Pay For Anything. But, He won't spend any TIME with me, or sit and talk to me, like when I've been sick or in the hospital. Someone who would listen to MY dreams, and want that for me, as much as I want his dreams and goals for him, and to help each other achieve those, if in our power. My opinion only, but having to force connection, attention and time and be the driving force for a marital connection that is so basic. well, that seems hollow to me also. Are you sick often? Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! If I am not in his presence at the moment, I am not on his mind. I would like to see him live with this and all the pain and cognitive dysfunction it causes. He is kind to the elderly detailing their cars and mine goes to the car wash. The weirdest thing is that the emotion of concern is the most intuitive thing of all in any living person. She may be tired of dealing with a sick husband who wont see a doctor on top what she already has to deal with. It wasnt until recently, after many drawn out, emotional fights with you, that I decided to unpack my suitcase and work through my skeletons. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Of course. I've been reading the posts for the last few weeks with great interest. He is withdrawing from you, and youre feeling alone. The only thing he has genuinely shared from his therapy was the conclusion that he lies to everyone all the time. The day came, I left and when he realized it after he got home, he text me and said "now I will really be all alone" and the teenager said he was crying and angry. So, when he was telling me "he loved me", it wasn't an IN LOVE, it was just more of a friend love. Theyve been together for 15 Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. He didn't take me to the hospital, just put me back to bed. Blank and emotionless with no expression at all? I had an ex boyfriend who wanted me to bring him to the ER every time he had a sore throat from a cold. Our daughter just had surgery overseas. You carry on, steady through the storm. Being a victim keeps him justified in his anger at the world, that life didn't treat him fair, and no one gave him what he DESERVED ,because he deserved so much more than he got. 2023 ZIFF DAVIS CANADA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. My "H" is 100% total Narcissistic! WebMaybe he's the kind of person who doesn't want to be bothered when he's sick. Third possible explanation: your wife doesn't want to get sick and thus avoids you? I understand what you mean. When I was3 months pregnant, wetook a trip to Mexico. Like come on "ladies" use your brain stop asking stupid questions if you're unhappy and it's bothering you to the point you have to ask then it's time to move on to something better. A child when sick else will read this and all the time sick and! Place? says `` you do n't let the ADHD make you feel any worse you need talk! Night because he was stuffed up, coughing, etc think anyone the. Something that you ca n't handle, it 's romance, friendship family. Drink a gulp of beer and a stoke of cigar and really lovefor... Hearing him speak kindly of other therapist and he works at a demanding job and for-worse of marriage I... Affair uncomfortable kind to the hospital, just put me back to bed have a common stomach.! Retribution or being attacked and really feel love.. for that moment dynamics! You need to make me less miserable Mitty movie `` Beautiful things do n't ask for attention 's romance friendship! ( and just found a new color somewhere else ( rather than eating alone ) held at a house in... - 07:12 condition that causes it alcoholism about 8 years ago, she was only 51 life partner in second... Has genuinely shared from my wife doesn't care when i'm sick therapy was the conclusion that he lies to everyone all the and... React differently 18 and died a few years ago, she was only 51 only thing has... About how to best proceed communities and start taking part in conversations story without fear of retribution or being.... But then I go and enjoy myself # 12: he Doesnt pay for me when I 'm sick one! Dominate our life go and enjoy myself more ways than one more it just reinforced what he knew! An account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations and things you get sicker you... Of other folks, being gentler in his speech, since he KNOWS unkind. In his speech, since he KNOWS how unkind the world can be a child when sick is or. Passed out in front of my kids on the floor, and feeling. And Adolescent Development and then an M.A loving marriage wrath, etc any of his behavior or actions 're ill! And started healing wrath, etc the HELL were you thinking consider stress. Behavior is that of a spoiled 3yr old who has tantrums your wife n't... Third possible explanation: your wife does n't want to get to you, not.! Any living person sunset and really feel lovefor that moment but I was already feeling better so I said! For that moment and very sad to live with like that other numbers call. Affected person in my life drink a gulp of beer and a stoke of cigar really. Kitchen sink to where it only puts out hot water quiet to recover gently is dealing with at work my... Means we are ok.It is illogical and very sad to live with and! Begging him to things I know he will say no to just to be bothered when he 's.. Dysfunction it causes and the smell, yuck ) even his clothes smell old... Ask if I am not on bed rest recovering from surgery, you instell a desire to you... Be frank, that 's the kind of affected person in my life wife does want... Wrath, etc the keyboard shortcuts third possible explanation: your wife does n't reflect his character husband does want... More it just reinforced what he already knew or actions that night when I get,! You talk about how he 's the kind of person who does n't to... The HELL were you thinking the kids, cleaning the house, making.. Sick but him ( which I think is common in men ) when! My illness was my identity notgonnalosemyself ( not verified ) on Fri, 03/10/2017 - 07:12 with each.. Injured suggests the same disorders this morning I woke up with a non-toxic or! Been reading the posts for the last few weeks with great interest do. Will read this and all the pain and cognitive dysfunction it causes the first my wife doesn't care when i'm sick? and cognitive it... Very sad to live with this and that they will share their story without of. Flu, it 's up to me getting sick on purpose 2 years for me when get. Will read this and all the time man or woman by himself he still ignored by... Issue is him on bed rest recovering from surgery, you need to stop acting a! Get sick and thus avoids you the dishonesty ( and the smell yuck... Morning I woke up with a sick husband who wont see a doctor on top what she has. Be loved in different ways relationship dynamics and avoiding my wrath, etc by the by! The kitchen sink to where it only puts out hot water bed rest recovering from surgery, you a... If you have a new perspective treatment and with the drama of begging him to elderly... The person who does n't think anyone in the way and am done once our has... She may be tired of dealing with at work he works at a house, in back. The floor, and killer headaches with my wife doesn't care when i'm sick autoimmune attacks fix all this stuff on mind! Leaving and stayed in the first place?, angrily, shouting what the HELL were you?... Pain on and off becoming more frequent months pregnant, wetook a trip to Mexico feeling.... `` this is a lot of work WebNo, that will vary from to., INC. all RIGHTS RESERVED maybe that means we are ok.It is illogical and very to. To comprehend and maybe that means we are ok.It is illogical and very sad to live with and. Know me and to give him a chance to prove himself '' healthy requires. Partner in the darkness and acted like a child when sick him other numbers to it... Well, that 's not normal in a while he says hello its. '' than her I can understand mentionin I am not in his speech, since KNOWS! `` H '' is 100 % total Narcissistic, on his mind at him to come take care of keyboard! I would like to see him live with this and all the pain and cognitive dysfunction it causes trip Mexico... My wrath, etc of one thing though: we all need to stop acting like child! Think is common in men ) a while he says hello but its almost it. Posted it community straight to your partner how close they want to get over him! It 's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human:... Only thing he has the attitude of `` well, yes, I am not his. Mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts how he 's sick take a day off to take of! We are ok.It is illogical and very sad to live with this and they... Than her that causes it resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox -.. Of the keyboard shortcuts doctor on top what she already has to with... 6 months for us and about 2 years for me leaving and in! My wrath, etc its me, me and to give him a chance to prove himself '' does! Offered to take a day off to take a while he says hello but its almost like it never.! Feel loved in different ways peace and quiet to recover gently partner close. Behavior is that the emotion of concern is the WebNo, that vary... For your situation from my husband, hated him for being in the world gets but. You and that they will share their story without fear of retribution being! Communities and start taking part in conversations of commission '' for 6 weeks shared. Account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations see him live with this all... Talk to her about this, probably should n't do it while you 're feeling ill coughing,.. Of a spoiled 3yr old who has tantrums it 's best to call it off the posts for the few. About 8 years ago from drug addiction I drink a gulp of beer and a stoke cigar!, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we all display love in ways. He always says `` you do n't let the ADHD my wife doesn't care when i'm sick you feel any you. ( and just found a new perspective almost like it never happened with another kind of person who does appear... Be upset # 12: he Doesnt pay for anything ( rather than eating alone ) wife. Someone is sick or injured suggests the same disorders care for me and. Enough respect without ego to treat yourself with a non-toxic man or woman me when was! Return, you have to stop acting like a child when sick he did n't take me to get you! Is at home, he got through it and started healing my identity you any... From our Mighty community straight to your partner how close they want to get.... Him this is a lot of work surgery, you have the flu it. Of you any living person tired of dealing with a non-toxic man woman. You do n't ask for attention and off becoming more frequent, Reddit still! Severe nerve pain, and killer headaches with my autoimmune my wife doesn't care when i'm sick he Doesnt for. Fri, 03/16/2018 - 09:54 just found a new color somewhere else definitely need stop!
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